Another profile

I am back and it is good to be here, after my little time out to think about what I might be looking for I want to take a different approach this coming year.

Right now, I am mostly happy with my harem of men, I would be open to installing a new MAIN MAN but only if someone really right came along for the moment I am happy with the men I have, only wish they had more time for me and could have fun outside of sex.

So you wanna know more about me, so do I. I guess I could put in the random adjectives that describe me like cuddle, outgoing, intelligent, goofy, slutty and loyal. I could even warn about my wild world views and rambling rants. I want to tell you how much fun I am & what a sweetheart I am, but both of those are subjective and it is better to leave that up to you.

If you want to get to know me I am an open book, at least about my virtues and passions. I leap before i look and that lands me in a lot of love which always leads to trouble.

I like to keep my blog here, I want to use it to tell strangers secrets about me and give you a chance to get to know me, Why that would be a goal I'm not sure, but if it is the information is out there...

I ramble, rant and smoke out. I guess that was meant to serve as a caution. anyway thanks for reading this pointless rant check out my blog if you have no respect for grammar or spelling and don't mind having to sort thru the sometime to personal to find the random and fun.

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The good part... :P NO SINGLE MEN :P for random wild monkey sex in hotels. I want to find some couples and single bi-females and groups and parties and friends and and and i cant think of any more now but i will try again later...

I have a swing friend, we wanna swap with you, well maybe you. HEY who are you, no really at this point im sure you can think of a reason for me to meet you.

Seriously, I am only looking for single women and couples. I am into a variety of wicked indulgences from groups to role playing and I love to make fantasy come alive for myself and my partners.

looking for women with a spirit of adventure to join me as i swing with my friends, I would love to meet a female dom that would take me under her wing and tenderly protect me while we play, but because i am kind of tender hearted and such an unrepentent hedonist it would take the right girl for me to be interested in more then a fling.

flings are fun and I love to party, so as a couple we are looking for fun flings with other couples who like to play games like darts and cards and maybe doctor or teacher not just meet screw and leave, not to say thats all bad just gets old in time. I would love to find a couple of couples that played well together so that we could party as a group. need to have a strong and confident trust, I do not understand or like jealousy, everyone has a little drama but jealousy is a choice and a selfish one at that.

If i found a very feminine ts/tv/tg I would be interested in sharing you with a good friend of mine for some role playing...

think you might be the new MAIN MAN for me, its tougher then you can imagine.

1 chalanging, loving and encouraging

2 wild outgoing man slut with good taste

3 like minded problem solver

4 physicly & emotionaly available

However in return I will be

1 demanding, adoring and encouraging

2 outgoing sometimes overwhelming slut

3 grand thinker and inspired speaker

4 devoted to your comfort and pleasure

Not an easy set to match so if you really do think you are him, and are ready for me and want me to fall in love with you join your harem and move you to the top of my short list, well then you better send me an email so we can see if you have room & time, taste & tolorance for me in your life.

What I need a heaping help of...

What I need a heaping help of is fantasy. Not just in my head because I know there is no lack of fantasy in my mind, what I really need is someone to fantasize with. Some one who will play along with me, indulge my wicked fetish to be wanted needed longed for and maybe even loved even if it is just role play-

When I arrive at his home I will be shy and nervous, not my usual brassy self. It has been so long since I have served or been used I feel so broken my nerves are wrecked. He wants me, he has said so and I know he means it as much he can. I spoke to him tonight and will be going to my bed dreaming of next week when I will come to him ready to play and be played with. I will enter and enchant his pets finding a seat where he can sit with me, near me his eager energy will overwhelm me. His welcome warm, his skin warm under my cool hands, my breath warm on his pale throat.

I was bold on the phone, begging for affection, attention some kind of affirmation. Hearing about how often he has thought of me, even how he likes to remember me from the play parties and that I have a sweet giggle, which made me giggle more. I told him I liked the feel of his long soft hair wrapped in my hand, I liked the deep passionate kisses and even more I loved the taste of his neck when his pulse is wild. I forgot to tell him how much I adore the feel and sight of his cock against his blue jeans so clearly aroused for me, so clearly hard pressing against the rough material straining against the unnatural constraint of clothing when faced with me in a state of bliss determined to torture and arouse him.

That is what I am craving his long hard angles against my soft full curves. Being held by someone as though I were a prize to be cherished not just a passing fancy. I do not mean to give such weight to what I am sure is meant to be a casual encounter and that might be part of why I have been avoiding casual encounters for fear I will be giving them more weight then they deserve. Since I know that is unfair for whoever I happen to try and partner with so I have to make sure everybody is clear to play along, that is part of what is so wonderful about this fantasy it is what makes me so eager to go play he is willing to do what ever I need so I can feel better. Even if that means I just need to use him and submit to his will and feed on his emotions and run away before it feels real-

Time to Think

The time to think is here and I can not do more with it than wallow a little and feel lost, I have no light in the distance to guide me this time no goal that I can set forth to accomplish- I am sure that I am not needed or wanted right now by anyone who I can respect in the way that I need. I am having a very hard time finding my north on the compass I feel things spinning around me and often I forget that it is me spinning in circles like a carefree girl not the world spinning and crashing around me- What can I say or do to slow this descent into sadness and lonely places, the kind of lonely where I can be in a crowd of people and feel alone and lost. I have always tried to have a destination in mind before I start my day, a firm goal for where I will be in the end.

I am hurt wounded by life and its cruelty. The irony of being lost now when I have always had something to work for and all that I have worked so hard for has been lost over and over and now I am setting myself up for absolute failure. Once again I want a man who wants no part of me at least not any part of me that would satisfy the both of us. I am trying to be patient but tonight he says to me with total honesty not realizing at least I hope he had no idea how much it would hurt to hear him as he says that the last few weeks he has gone from thinking he might want a relationship in a few months to a few years to a few decades- He does not see it the same as I receive it I think he is saying he is more confused now then ever nothing wrong with that but what I hear is that the more time he spends with me the less time he wants to spend with anyone and he makes clear to me every two or three days now how little he wants me physically or emotionally. What can I do with that what recourse do I have he says it is making him unhappy to see me sad he just wants to know what he can do to make me happy and I do not know what to tell him I would never be happy if asked him to fake something he did not feel for me, I should know better then to fall for emotionally unavailable guys but here I am again trying to approach things from a planning perspective and seeing a man who is wonderful in so many ways that match what I care about, someone with discipline who can be trusted a man who understands respect and values it. Still with all of these virtues comes the tragic flaw as with any other man who catches my fancy he wants no part of it and is desperate it seems to toss it away again- I know because he tells me so often that it has nothing to do with me it is just that he needs to think clearly first and I also know that he will openly talk in front of me about the women he is in fact interested in. I know that even if his sex drive right now is nil when I had my period and was not willing to let him play with me he was fine with letting me play with him now even that has been taken away from me it seems like as soon as my pussy wasn't broken from bleeding he was all of a sudden to busy drunk or confused to do anything to it. Frustration just keeps mounting and I know that with out someone to care about I will not be able to give anything of myself not big or little not anything at all to anyone and if I have that ground that center that I find in a mate and partner I can do so much for everyone around me- the things I do are better and the results are swifter and more satisfying.

What am I to think about, who do I want to be, where do I want to be, who do I want to be with, what will I do with the gift that I am, what can I do to be happy. Happy for me is affirmations is soul searching and spirit walking, learning something and growing from it serving and filling satisfied in my work and pride in my home and life- Happy for me is safe and certain, it is knowing no matter what the world may bring I will be able to go back to my home base and shake it off in the end with someone who understands and appreciates me. It makes things so much harder to do this dance in limbo not knowing how to move past what I want when the only barrier is him saying he does not want anyone not just me which keeps making me have that last little inkling of hope that since he is trying so hard to make me feel like it is not me personally just the entire world in general that he is put off of, well then I hope that when he is more certain of what he wants of what works he may want me-