Another profile

I am back and it is good to be here, after my little time out to think about what I might be looking for I want to take a different approach this coming year.

Right now, I am mostly happy with my harem of men, I would be open to installing a new MAIN MAN but only if someone really right came along for the moment I am happy with the men I have, only wish they had more time for me and could have fun outside of sex.

So you wanna know more about me, so do I. I guess I could put in the random adjectives that describe me like cuddle, outgoing, intelligent, goofy, slutty and loyal. I could even warn about my wild world views and rambling rants. I want to tell you how much fun I am & what a sweetheart I am, but both of those are subjective and it is better to leave that up to you.

If you want to get to know me I am an open book, at least about my virtues and passions. I leap before i look and that lands me in a lot of love which always leads to trouble.

I like to keep my blog here, I want to use it to tell strangers secrets about me and give you a chance to get to know me, Why that would be a goal I'm not sure, but if it is the information is out there...

I ramble, rant and smoke out. I guess that was meant to serve as a caution. anyway thanks for reading this pointless rant check out my blog if you have no respect for grammar or spelling and don't mind having to sort thru the sometime to personal to find the random and fun.

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The good part... :P NO SINGLE MEN :P for random wild monkey sex in hotels. I want to find some couples and single bi-females and groups and parties and friends and and and i cant think of any more now but i will try again later...

I have a swing friend, we wanna swap with you, well maybe you. HEY who are you, no really at this point im sure you can think of a reason for me to meet you.

Seriously, I am only looking for single women and couples. I am into a variety of wicked indulgences from groups to role playing and I love to make fantasy come alive for myself and my partners.

looking for women with a spirit of adventure to join me as i swing with my friends, I would love to meet a female dom that would take me under her wing and tenderly protect me while we play, but because i am kind of tender hearted and such an unrepentent hedonist it would take the right girl for me to be interested in more then a fling.

flings are fun and I love to party, so as a couple we are looking for fun flings with other couples who like to play games like darts and cards and maybe doctor or teacher not just meet screw and leave, not to say thats all bad just gets old in time. I would love to find a couple of couples that played well together so that we could party as a group. need to have a strong and confident trust, I do not understand or like jealousy, everyone has a little drama but jealousy is a choice and a selfish one at that.

If i found a very feminine ts/tv/tg I would be interested in sharing you with a good friend of mine for some role playing...

think you might be the new MAIN MAN for me, its tougher then you can imagine.

1 chalanging, loving and encouraging

2 wild outgoing man slut with good taste

3 like minded problem solver

4 physicly & emotionaly available

However in return I will be

1 demanding, adoring and encouraging

2 outgoing sometimes overwhelming slut

3 grand thinker and inspired speaker

4 devoted to your comfort and pleasure

Not an easy set to match so if you really do think you are him, and are ready for me and want me to fall in love with you join your harem and move you to the top of my short list, well then you better send me an email so we can see if you have room & time, taste & tolorance for me in your life.

What I need a heaping help of...

What I need a heaping help of is fantasy. Not just in my head because I know there is no lack of fantasy in my mind, what I really need is someone to fantasize with. Some one who will play along with me, indulge my wicked fetish to be wanted needed longed for and maybe even loved even if it is just role play-

When I arrive at his home I will be shy and nervous, not my usual brassy self. It has been so long since I have served or been used I feel so broken my nerves are wrecked. He wants me, he has said so and I know he means it as much he can. I spoke to him tonight and will be going to my bed dreaming of next week when I will come to him ready to play and be played with. I will enter and enchant his pets finding a seat where he can sit with me, near me his eager energy will overwhelm me. His welcome warm, his skin warm under my cool hands, my breath warm on his pale throat.

I was bold on the phone, begging for affection, attention some kind of affirmation. Hearing about how often he has thought of me, even how he likes to remember me from the play parties and that I have a sweet giggle, which made me giggle more. I told him I liked the feel of his long soft hair wrapped in my hand, I liked the deep passionate kisses and even more I loved the taste of his neck when his pulse is wild. I forgot to tell him how much I adore the feel and sight of his cock against his blue jeans so clearly aroused for me, so clearly hard pressing against the rough material straining against the unnatural constraint of clothing when faced with me in a state of bliss determined to torture and arouse him.

That is what I am craving his long hard angles against my soft full curves. Being held by someone as though I were a prize to be cherished not just a passing fancy. I do not mean to give such weight to what I am sure is meant to be a casual encounter and that might be part of why I have been avoiding casual encounters for fear I will be giving them more weight then they deserve. Since I know that is unfair for whoever I happen to try and partner with so I have to make sure everybody is clear to play along, that is part of what is so wonderful about this fantasy it is what makes me so eager to go play he is willing to do what ever I need so I can feel better. Even if that means I just need to use him and submit to his will and feed on his emotions and run away before it feels real-

Time to Think

The time to think is here and I can not do more with it than wallow a little and feel lost, I have no light in the distance to guide me this time no goal that I can set forth to accomplish- I am sure that I am not needed or wanted right now by anyone who I can respect in the way that I need. I am having a very hard time finding my north on the compass I feel things spinning around me and often I forget that it is me spinning in circles like a carefree girl not the world spinning and crashing around me- What can I say or do to slow this descent into sadness and lonely places, the kind of lonely where I can be in a crowd of people and feel alone and lost. I have always tried to have a destination in mind before I start my day, a firm goal for where I will be in the end.

I am hurt wounded by life and its cruelty. The irony of being lost now when I have always had something to work for and all that I have worked so hard for has been lost over and over and now I am setting myself up for absolute failure. Once again I want a man who wants no part of me at least not any part of me that would satisfy the both of us. I am trying to be patient but tonight he says to me with total honesty not realizing at least I hope he had no idea how much it would hurt to hear him as he says that the last few weeks he has gone from thinking he might want a relationship in a few months to a few years to a few decades- He does not see it the same as I receive it I think he is saying he is more confused now then ever nothing wrong with that but what I hear is that the more time he spends with me the less time he wants to spend with anyone and he makes clear to me every two or three days now how little he wants me physically or emotionally. What can I do with that what recourse do I have he says it is making him unhappy to see me sad he just wants to know what he can do to make me happy and I do not know what to tell him I would never be happy if asked him to fake something he did not feel for me, I should know better then to fall for emotionally unavailable guys but here I am again trying to approach things from a planning perspective and seeing a man who is wonderful in so many ways that match what I care about, someone with discipline who can be trusted a man who understands respect and values it. Still with all of these virtues comes the tragic flaw as with any other man who catches my fancy he wants no part of it and is desperate it seems to toss it away again- I know because he tells me so often that it has nothing to do with me it is just that he needs to think clearly first and I also know that he will openly talk in front of me about the women he is in fact interested in. I know that even if his sex drive right now is nil when I had my period and was not willing to let him play with me he was fine with letting me play with him now even that has been taken away from me it seems like as soon as my pussy wasn't broken from bleeding he was all of a sudden to busy drunk or confused to do anything to it. Frustration just keeps mounting and I know that with out someone to care about I will not be able to give anything of myself not big or little not anything at all to anyone and if I have that ground that center that I find in a mate and partner I can do so much for everyone around me- the things I do are better and the results are swifter and more satisfying.

What am I to think about, who do I want to be, where do I want to be, who do I want to be with, what will I do with the gift that I am, what can I do to be happy. Happy for me is affirmations is soul searching and spirit walking, learning something and growing from it serving and filling satisfied in my work and pride in my home and life- Happy for me is safe and certain, it is knowing no matter what the world may bring I will be able to go back to my home base and shake it off in the end with someone who understands and appreciates me. It makes things so much harder to do this dance in limbo not knowing how to move past what I want when the only barrier is him saying he does not want anyone not just me which keeps making me have that last little inkling of hope that since he is trying so hard to make me feel like it is not me personally just the entire world in general that he is put off of, well then I hope that when he is more certain of what he wants of what works he may want me-

Back to the Boards

So the last year I have not spent hardly any time at my key board I have been lacking in discipline or motivation I have peen a present oriented hedonist when all of my relasionships fail at once it is hard to look outside myself for a source of that if everyone arround me swears I changed then perhaps they are right all the same the last year has been quite an adventure-

My anticipation has been crushed I spent almost six months living in and working towards a household I had to walk away from- You should know I do not walk away often or easily I fight like a dog to the end in order perserve my idealized vision of life- I am however a bitch when it comes to being hurt or watching people who are kind be hurt for it- I do not mind evil if it selects it targets wisely it has a role in balancing the world I am polyanna because it makes me happy not because I am to dumb to see reality and be depressed by it I am just happier looking at reality and seeing it the way I know it could be instead of how really is-

either way the delusion of happy and safe crumbled around my respect for him lost without hope of repair in my eyes his actions and lack of judgement had gone to far, I ran to ground and back on the boards again- I can only be a patient friend for so long I know I am loved but never as a lover I am used but only as a weapon or a pawn never as a partner or friend How can I feel so upset at myself for wanting love with the last fool who told me up front I would never be who wanted then move myself still raw into a home so freshly broken her smell is on my pillow- His tears are on my lap and I know there will never be room in him for me he does not want even if he had a girl size hole in himself to fill I would not be his choice so why is it so hard for me take-

I have a dream of what I can be a help mate a caretaker a lover and confidant a partner to grow with and dream with to plan to scheme with instead I am just some girl who is seen as to nice for her own good, what a silly thing to say about someone- How could I ever be to nice, Still here I sit torn wanting to comfort him and make him happy again and wanting to slap him for ever loving her and wanting to slap myself for ever loving him and what a tangled web we weave when life sets us on our paths to receive...

What the real sad part is all that precedeing drama isn't even my own that is all the new drama I moved into when I moved out of the household I was forced to flee- Call me overly emotional if you like and he did- this time by he I mean the ex scum lord- but when you invite the entire internet into your home that hasn't been cleaned for at least six months you do not wait till the last few days and let your disabled roomate rope her friends into helping her create a white tornado= three grown adults working 24 hours in two days- while four other people live there two as his slaves still I was the only one who had the sense to try and slap some lipstick on the hog that is his crumbling down house-

this was a month ago and by far the worst month of the year for me so far, if I am lucky it will be the worst of the year the rest can just be gravy for me but I do not know that will even be anywhere near in the books for me- Right now i am hunkering down and trying to write my way right in the situation-

disapointed

What upset me was that you seemed to take pleasure in hurting, You knew I was disappointed and it would have cost you nothing to comfort me first, to let me know that you would or at least might make it up to me at some point, to acknowledge that you were doing something hurtful to ditch me and that you ruined my time at the party because you simply didn't find it worth the effort to pay attention to me or play with me so that i could enjoy any kind of quality sub space-

you knew before hand that i was feeling emotionally raw and still you show a complete lack of consideration I expected better of you, despite what others had told me I thought that you were a reasonable and intelligent man who would understand what i needed as a friend. You are making it very hard for me to treat you with respect of justify any of the kindness I show you. When you show me no respect or consideration,

I am glad you had a good time but hope you can understand why i was so hurt and disappointed, I had been waiting all week for some time with you, I was already in a rare funk when the day began then you simply dropped the ball at the party, even if your plan had been to go home with whoever would take you at the end of the night you could have had the decency to show me a good time first- You should be ashamed of yourself for treating anyone the way you have treated me and if this were the first time it had happened I would be more mad at you then I am at myself but this time around I will shoulder at least half the blame... It sounds so ridiculous to say but I should have known better then to expect you to treat me with any compassion- I hope you can understand how disappointing that is when I have never given even the slightest reason to treat me so callously- It was kicking me when I was down and you could so easily have made everything bearable for me and still had your fun if you had only acknowledged me but maybe that is the point of all this- to push me away - do you have any reason not to want me - by what scale have you judged me and found me not good enough to be your friend-

do you simply like to hurt people emotionally is that were you get your jollies by making girls cry and feel unloved and unwanted when you know that what you think of them matters to them do you undermine them on purpose so that you can see the crushed look in her eyes and know that the bruise on her ego will last longer then any you could leave on her flesh- Are you sick enough to delight in causing hope to wither and die. To hurt someone who admires you and has gone out of there way to be kind to you is a horrid thing to do, I know that you want things to be drama free and the can be if you would show a little consideration I would never have stood in the way fo your fun either on purpose or by accident-

Anticipation

Anticipation can be so sweet as i oil my skin with sweet scent planning for later when it will be warmed by his hand. Fresh from the shower with nothing and everything on my mind at once I am so tempted to turn the water back on and touch myself until if find my relief but no the anticipation is enough and waiting will just build my excitement to a frenzy making the release so much sweeter for the virtue of my waiting.

firm resolve does nothing to keep me from absent mindfully pinching my pink nipples, enjoying the feel of them harden under my touch looking in the mirror at my lusty body almost quivering. Running the oil in the wispy curls over my hungry pussy. Needing to look at myself i push in my fingers, spread my lips open looking at the glistening desire almost dripping from me. I licked my fingers clean tasting myself flavored over the sweet oil.

I realize that getting myself ready is a form of foreplay so effective i only wish you were here with me to heighten the ritual. I hate to cover myself with cloths for any period of time but i know that the wearing of them with you is just to make my anticipation greater, to make me all the more hungry for the release from them the kiss of your eyes on my flesh, I enjoy the look you give me in front of others as if you know in the snap of finger you could take me, i would always yield to you, give in to any demand fulfill any desire of yours that i could in order to earn your praise, a second of your affection.

The pleasure I get from giving to you exceeds almost any other I have ever felt, gathering my mind for submission to your will gathering my heart to wear on my sleeve I dress and rush through my make up cursing all the time i spent being a drugged out tom boy instead of a pretty girl who would be good with makeup, I do my best and rush away from the mirror before I can pick myself apart...

breasts heavy in my bra, panties already damp as i load up into my car, thankful that driving takes both hands or i would be to tempted to resist pleasing my self on the roadway as i speed to your arms... HOPE JOY PEACE wash over me in your embrace if you only knew the power you could have over me you would run a million miles to flee from my hungry eyes...

for me this is why the anticipation is almost better then reality, eager hopeful when i get ready for you i radiate the joy i feel at the thought of being wanted, desired and able to please you, knowing all along that in reality the more i care for you the less you will care for me, what a terrible tug of war this is to try and make myself want you less just so that you will want me more. what a childish game of denial we are indulging in, when we could bring such bliss to each other if only we knew how to allow ourselves.

a louisville munch

well even though i haven't published much lately doesn't mean corydory isn't getting her play time just as often and having even more fun if you can believe it, in fact this very morning my shoulders are still feeling warm and tender from the kiss of a heavy leather flogger, but i'm getting ahead ff myself a bit, so let me start with the munch...

to begin at the beginning i was late and flustered because a dropped ball on transportation and coordination caused a playmate to be left behind and miss the whole night. we arrived at the italian pizza place after the party games were done just in time for announcements and sitting there looking out over this crowd i felt an overwhelming sense of having found my people. I wonder if any one else ever feels so at home with a crowd of like minded kinksters for me this is new and i saw all kinds of people, young and old, sub's and Dom's, littles and pets...

it was almost an orgy of fetishes the munch was almost painful i was so anxious to be gone not from the people just onto the next part of the evening which would be a play place nearby, a real

dungeon to play in and all of the people with such diverse interests to interest me. still the announcements were worth hearing at one point the speaker spoke about groups that meet based on power orientation, what a delightful way to make clear that our power roles can play as much a part in our choices as sexual orientation would. he also went person to person through the room calling each of us by our name as if giving a role call for the night, while i am nowhere near as good with names i did at least learn his...

we eat and chat up a few of the other visitors from out of town, then at last we can go tot the bar, what kind of a bar would host a BDSM play night once a month... none other then a, honestly fabulous drag bar it was every thing i ever dreamed it would be we enter a nearly empty bar pictures of the hottest hottest pretty boys flash on the screens, the topples cute bartender was sweet enough to give us the information we needed since none of us knew Kentucky smoking rules, we head to the back stage i strode past the handful there for just the drag show, to go past acres of pink satin draped to frame the stage, the backstage was tiny but included a rhinestone

toilet, we hustle down stairs, to sign in each of us getting a waiver, however being me i left my drivers licence in the car trunk so back we went into the freezing wind, when at last we got in it was only a glimpse then changing into my skirt...

damn damn damn I grabbed my denim mini skirt of the hanger in such a hurry i totally failed and grabbed my skort instead. however hearing be bemoan my feeble mindedness a kind lady who was my exact size handed off to me her favorite skirt to save my night and allow my sexy panties to be flashed at the right time, more like times...

It was so cool there was so much do that i didn't even get to try everything i wanted to, and there were so many people i wish i had been able to talk to but still i had so much fun seeing some of the great leather cuffs that were on show, and feeling a few of the more unique vegan DIY floggers on the backs of my legs, the one that was a tire tread really made you feel it. It grasps the skin on impact and as the wide heavy rubber follows its natural momentum it pulls your flesh with it for that extra unique feeling.

after a quick smoke break and a trip to the girls room i found most of my party near the frount of the room talking about things like rope play well DD, normally means designated driver but at this party it was more like our default Dom. wanted to do some rope demonstrations for a fellow who wanted to learn so i of course agreed to help and we showed them the single and double pillar ties, first my DD binding my wrist and allowing me to struggle wishing i were a fish on his line then he freed me and i made the same knots on the pupil, who once free would in turn make those same knots on me again... binding me and feeling me struggle...

we broke up to go enjoy the sexy panties showing, it was called a contest but it was more just a organized flashing which as much fun if you ask me and then nobody loses staying in that area because a lovely lady caught my eye and ear as she was talking about moving to my hometown in Florida. she might not be cold but i warned her about the crazies...

she was sore from her high heels such sexy studded leather heels and i talked her into letting me rub her feet, such small and sexy feet wrapped in black silky nylons running up toned legs to be held suspended on her white thigh with a bit of lace not a whole inch wide, i played with her feet and her legs but allowed it to remain mostly innocent, when a passing fancy came by with leather strips wanting to let me feel it i asked her if i could lean over her as he warmed my behind, in place her face in my cleavage he began working me over and over with the whip, as she coached me in a way that i had never had before reminding me to breath and enjoy, asking if i was green with everything, it was so sweet and tender of her i am sad she is going away and hope there are many more in the community like her...

when i found most of my party they were in the fenced off play space, she was being whipped on the cross and coming down we went to after care to make sure she was alright, when the DD asked if we all were ready to go, awww i had to object because i wanted whipped on the cross I need some attention after the night of stimulation, he tied me with weak cuffs to the cross but i didn't once try to get down, he slipped the blindfold on and i was worlds away, in such a happy place and with the sting of the whip he would follow with softness from my soft whip then heavy then light then setting the weight of the whip across my back, it was bliss for me and i shared as much as i could of my pleasure with everyone, I was very very vocal, which i am afraid might have disturbed other scenes but with out a gag i couldn't keep the moans the screams or the whimpers to myself i never even gave it a thought to try...

the worst part of the night is part of the best because it is the interruption and the end of our scene, the people playing next to us were concerned by my screams and came over to instruct the man who was Dom over me, which I understood to be a big no no stopping a scene, still it was nice while it lasted even if wanted so much more...

i took myself off to the aftercare room after cleaning the cross off, i collapsed on the floor and my friend who hadn't even stayed downstairs to see the scene rubbed baby oil on my tender flesh soothing my sore away with his gentle hands letting me end the night on a blissful note, what a pleasure and what wicked ideas i have dancing in my head running circles with my normal dirty thoughts...