loving drama

I have decided there are way to many people who love to play in the muck and drama both online and off. I don't understand it, sometimes i wonder if they know what they are doing or if it all subconscious. some kind of deep seeded need for turmoil.

I really do feel that chaos isn't good for the soul, when we are surrounded by chaos and turmoil then we will be filled with chaos and turmoil. doesn't a life filled with peace and comfort seem so much smarter. I see the people online that cant leave well enough alone, someone wrote me an email today that says it best opinions are like assholes everybody has one and most of them stink. when people don't get along online it is a huge world wide web cant they just both do their own thing.

I guess it just makes to much sense for some people because there are people who just love the attention and drama which they for the most part create for themselves and others. I had blocked out so much of my childhood memory's of my sister and now i am remembering why she is one of the many mis-guided souls who love to agitate and stir up drama. she plays people which makes it hard to help her and be around her all the time.

i understand now why my help was so needed, she doesn't have allot of people who want to help her right now and i think that is tied directly to the fact that she loves to create drama, and when you are sick and need help it is knowingly shitting in your own nest to keep trying to make the people who are here to help bad and aggravated

of course the net mirrors life in that people online also look for the drama, who love to stir the pot and cant leave well enough alone, by writing this i run the risk of being mistaken for one of those people my own self which isn't my intention really i just feel overwhelmed by the drama i am drowning in. I'm just looking for some understanding into people who manipulate and attack, who stir the pot and shit in their own nest. I needed to vent to let it out i am just about crazy already and my trip isn't half way done, yet...

so please, for your own sake don't be an agitator, online or in real life the chaos will age you make you ill and unhappy, if you cant make a situation better by adding your two sense then keep it to yourself, be kind, think before you speak or type, things are hard for everyone and getting harder aren't they so try to do no harm with your words and deeds, savor the peace you can find,

hope no one misunderstands the reason for this post i just needed to vent, its hard to face Florida, almost every bad thing that ever happened to me in life has happened to me in Florida and it fucks with me to be here... i love my sister and i love you guys sometimes i just need to let it out a little...

wishing you all peace love and happiness... i always have said that i would never post song lyrics, but i should know by now to never say never... when i get a little stressed music really helps and i have this one song from india.arie that i think just applies so well to this situation it sums up just how i feel about it and if you haven't heard her perform this song i strongly recommend searching for it online...
Get It Together

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your kin
Kept it inside, didn't tell no one else
Didn't even wanna admit it to yourself
And now your chest burns and your back aches
From 15 years of holding the pain
And now you only have yourself to blame
If you continue to live this way


Get it together
You wanna heal your body
Get it together
You have to heal your heart
Whatsoever you sow you will reap
Get it together
You can fly fly

Dark future ahead of me
That's what they say
I'd be starving if I ate all the lies they fed
Cause I've been redeemed from your anguish and pain
A miracle child I'm floating on a cloud
Cause the words that come from your mouth
You're the first to hear
Speak words of beauty and you will be there
No matter what anybody says
What matters most is what you think of yourself

The choice is yours
No matter what it is
To choose life is to choose to forgive
You don't have to try
To hurt him and break his pride
Just shake that weight off
And you'll be ready to fly

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your friends
Thought it would never change but as time moved on
That ugly duckling grew up to be a swan
And now your chest burns and your back aches
Because now the years are showing up on your face
But you'll never be happy
And you'll never be whole
Until you see the beauty in growing old

you can live or you can die
you know that life is a choice
you make you can give or you can take.

I love how she sooths me, thank you india.arie...