Another profile

I am back and it is good to be here, after my little time out to think about what I might be looking for I want to take a different approach this coming year.

Right now, I am mostly happy with my harem of men, I would be open to installing a new MAIN MAN but only if someone really right came along for the moment I am happy with the men I have, only wish they had more time for me and could have fun outside of sex.

So you wanna know more about me, so do I. I guess I could put in the random adjectives that describe me like cuddle, outgoing, intelligent, goofy, slutty and loyal. I could even warn about my wild world views and rambling rants. I want to tell you how much fun I am & what a sweetheart I am, but both of those are subjective and it is better to leave that up to you.

If you want to get to know me I am an open book, at least about my virtues and passions. I leap before i look and that lands me in a lot of love which always leads to trouble.

I like to keep my blog here, I want to use it to tell strangers secrets about me and give you a chance to get to know me, Why that would be a goal I'm not sure, but if it is the information is out there...

I ramble, rant and smoke out. I guess that was meant to serve as a caution. anyway thanks for reading this pointless rant check out my blog if you have no respect for grammar or spelling and don't mind having to sort thru the sometime to personal to find the random and fun.

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The good part... :P NO SINGLE MEN :P for random wild monkey sex in hotels. I want to find some couples and single bi-females and groups and parties and friends and and and i cant think of any more now but i will try again later...

I have a swing friend, we wanna swap with you, well maybe you. HEY who are you, no really at this point im sure you can think of a reason for me to meet you.

Seriously, I am only looking for single women and couples. I am into a variety of wicked indulgences from groups to role playing and I love to make fantasy come alive for myself and my partners.

looking for women with a spirit of adventure to join me as i swing with my friends, I would love to meet a female dom that would take me under her wing and tenderly protect me while we play, but because i am kind of tender hearted and such an unrepentent hedonist it would take the right girl for me to be interested in more then a fling.

flings are fun and I love to party, so as a couple we are looking for fun flings with other couples who like to play games like darts and cards and maybe doctor or teacher not just meet screw and leave, not to say thats all bad just gets old in time. I would love to find a couple of couples that played well together so that we could party as a group. need to have a strong and confident trust, I do not understand or like jealousy, everyone has a little drama but jealousy is a choice and a selfish one at that.

If i found a very feminine ts/tv/tg I would be interested in sharing you with a good friend of mine for some role playing...

think you might be the new MAIN MAN for me, its tougher then you can imagine.

1 chalanging, loving and encouraging

2 wild outgoing man slut with good taste

3 like minded problem solver

4 physicly & emotionaly available

However in return I will be

1 demanding, adoring and encouraging

2 outgoing sometimes overwhelming slut

3 grand thinker and inspired speaker

4 devoted to your comfort and pleasure

Not an easy set to match so if you really do think you are him, and are ready for me and want me to fall in love with you join your harem and move you to the top of my short list, well then you better send me an email so we can see if you have room & time, taste & tolorance for me in your life.

What I need a heaping help of...

What I need a heaping help of is fantasy. Not just in my head because I know there is no lack of fantasy in my mind, what I really need is someone to fantasize with. Some one who will play along with me, indulge my wicked fetish to be wanted needed longed for and maybe even loved even if it is just role play-

When I arrive at his home I will be shy and nervous, not my usual brassy self. It has been so long since I have served or been used I feel so broken my nerves are wrecked. He wants me, he has said so and I know he means it as much he can. I spoke to him tonight and will be going to my bed dreaming of next week when I will come to him ready to play and be played with. I will enter and enchant his pets finding a seat where he can sit with me, near me his eager energy will overwhelm me. His welcome warm, his skin warm under my cool hands, my breath warm on his pale throat.

I was bold on the phone, begging for affection, attention some kind of affirmation. Hearing about how often he has thought of me, even how he likes to remember me from the play parties and that I have a sweet giggle, which made me giggle more. I told him I liked the feel of his long soft hair wrapped in my hand, I liked the deep passionate kisses and even more I loved the taste of his neck when his pulse is wild. I forgot to tell him how much I adore the feel and sight of his cock against his blue jeans so clearly aroused for me, so clearly hard pressing against the rough material straining against the unnatural constraint of clothing when faced with me in a state of bliss determined to torture and arouse him.

That is what I am craving his long hard angles against my soft full curves. Being held by someone as though I were a prize to be cherished not just a passing fancy. I do not mean to give such weight to what I am sure is meant to be a casual encounter and that might be part of why I have been avoiding casual encounters for fear I will be giving them more weight then they deserve. Since I know that is unfair for whoever I happen to try and partner with so I have to make sure everybody is clear to play along, that is part of what is so wonderful about this fantasy it is what makes me so eager to go play he is willing to do what ever I need so I can feel better. Even if that means I just need to use him and submit to his will and feed on his emotions and run away before it feels real-

Time to Think

The time to think is here and I can not do more with it than wallow a little and feel lost, I have no light in the distance to guide me this time no goal that I can set forth to accomplish- I am sure that I am not needed or wanted right now by anyone who I can respect in the way that I need. I am having a very hard time finding my north on the compass I feel things spinning around me and often I forget that it is me spinning in circles like a carefree girl not the world spinning and crashing around me- What can I say or do to slow this descent into sadness and lonely places, the kind of lonely where I can be in a crowd of people and feel alone and lost. I have always tried to have a destination in mind before I start my day, a firm goal for where I will be in the end.

I am hurt wounded by life and its cruelty. The irony of being lost now when I have always had something to work for and all that I have worked so hard for has been lost over and over and now I am setting myself up for absolute failure. Once again I want a man who wants no part of me at least not any part of me that would satisfy the both of us. I am trying to be patient but tonight he says to me with total honesty not realizing at least I hope he had no idea how much it would hurt to hear him as he says that the last few weeks he has gone from thinking he might want a relationship in a few months to a few years to a few decades- He does not see it the same as I receive it I think he is saying he is more confused now then ever nothing wrong with that but what I hear is that the more time he spends with me the less time he wants to spend with anyone and he makes clear to me every two or three days now how little he wants me physically or emotionally. What can I do with that what recourse do I have he says it is making him unhappy to see me sad he just wants to know what he can do to make me happy and I do not know what to tell him I would never be happy if asked him to fake something he did not feel for me, I should know better then to fall for emotionally unavailable guys but here I am again trying to approach things from a planning perspective and seeing a man who is wonderful in so many ways that match what I care about, someone with discipline who can be trusted a man who understands respect and values it. Still with all of these virtues comes the tragic flaw as with any other man who catches my fancy he wants no part of it and is desperate it seems to toss it away again- I know because he tells me so often that it has nothing to do with me it is just that he needs to think clearly first and I also know that he will openly talk in front of me about the women he is in fact interested in. I know that even if his sex drive right now is nil when I had my period and was not willing to let him play with me he was fine with letting me play with him now even that has been taken away from me it seems like as soon as my pussy wasn't broken from bleeding he was all of a sudden to busy drunk or confused to do anything to it. Frustration just keeps mounting and I know that with out someone to care about I will not be able to give anything of myself not big or little not anything at all to anyone and if I have that ground that center that I find in a mate and partner I can do so much for everyone around me- the things I do are better and the results are swifter and more satisfying.

What am I to think about, who do I want to be, where do I want to be, who do I want to be with, what will I do with the gift that I am, what can I do to be happy. Happy for me is affirmations is soul searching and spirit walking, learning something and growing from it serving and filling satisfied in my work and pride in my home and life- Happy for me is safe and certain, it is knowing no matter what the world may bring I will be able to go back to my home base and shake it off in the end with someone who understands and appreciates me. It makes things so much harder to do this dance in limbo not knowing how to move past what I want when the only barrier is him saying he does not want anyone not just me which keeps making me have that last little inkling of hope that since he is trying so hard to make me feel like it is not me personally just the entire world in general that he is put off of, well then I hope that when he is more certain of what he wants of what works he may want me-

Back to the Boards

So the last year I have not spent hardly any time at my key board I have been lacking in discipline or motivation I have peen a present oriented hedonist when all of my relasionships fail at once it is hard to look outside myself for a source of that if everyone arround me swears I changed then perhaps they are right all the same the last year has been quite an adventure-

My anticipation has been crushed I spent almost six months living in and working towards a household I had to walk away from- You should know I do not walk away often or easily I fight like a dog to the end in order perserve my idealized vision of life- I am however a bitch when it comes to being hurt or watching people who are kind be hurt for it- I do not mind evil if it selects it targets wisely it has a role in balancing the world I am polyanna because it makes me happy not because I am to dumb to see reality and be depressed by it I am just happier looking at reality and seeing it the way I know it could be instead of how really is-

either way the delusion of happy and safe crumbled around my respect for him lost without hope of repair in my eyes his actions and lack of judgement had gone to far, I ran to ground and back on the boards again- I can only be a patient friend for so long I know I am loved but never as a lover I am used but only as a weapon or a pawn never as a partner or friend How can I feel so upset at myself for wanting love with the last fool who told me up front I would never be who wanted then move myself still raw into a home so freshly broken her smell is on my pillow- His tears are on my lap and I know there will never be room in him for me he does not want even if he had a girl size hole in himself to fill I would not be his choice so why is it so hard for me take-

I have a dream of what I can be a help mate a caretaker a lover and confidant a partner to grow with and dream with to plan to scheme with instead I am just some girl who is seen as to nice for her own good, what a silly thing to say about someone- How could I ever be to nice, Still here I sit torn wanting to comfort him and make him happy again and wanting to slap him for ever loving her and wanting to slap myself for ever loving him and what a tangled web we weave when life sets us on our paths to receive...

What the real sad part is all that precedeing drama isn't even my own that is all the new drama I moved into when I moved out of the household I was forced to flee- Call me overly emotional if you like and he did- this time by he I mean the ex scum lord- but when you invite the entire internet into your home that hasn't been cleaned for at least six months you do not wait till the last few days and let your disabled roomate rope her friends into helping her create a white tornado= three grown adults working 24 hours in two days- while four other people live there two as his slaves still I was the only one who had the sense to try and slap some lipstick on the hog that is his crumbling down house-

this was a month ago and by far the worst month of the year for me so far, if I am lucky it will be the worst of the year the rest can just be gravy for me but I do not know that will even be anywhere near in the books for me- Right now i am hunkering down and trying to write my way right in the situation-

disapointed

What upset me was that you seemed to take pleasure in hurting, You knew I was disappointed and it would have cost you nothing to comfort me first, to let me know that you would or at least might make it up to me at some point, to acknowledge that you were doing something hurtful to ditch me and that you ruined my time at the party because you simply didn't find it worth the effort to pay attention to me or play with me so that i could enjoy any kind of quality sub space-

you knew before hand that i was feeling emotionally raw and still you show a complete lack of consideration I expected better of you, despite what others had told me I thought that you were a reasonable and intelligent man who would understand what i needed as a friend. You are making it very hard for me to treat you with respect of justify any of the kindness I show you. When you show me no respect or consideration,

I am glad you had a good time but hope you can understand why i was so hurt and disappointed, I had been waiting all week for some time with you, I was already in a rare funk when the day began then you simply dropped the ball at the party, even if your plan had been to go home with whoever would take you at the end of the night you could have had the decency to show me a good time first- You should be ashamed of yourself for treating anyone the way you have treated me and if this were the first time it had happened I would be more mad at you then I am at myself but this time around I will shoulder at least half the blame... It sounds so ridiculous to say but I should have known better then to expect you to treat me with any compassion- I hope you can understand how disappointing that is when I have never given even the slightest reason to treat me so callously- It was kicking me when I was down and you could so easily have made everything bearable for me and still had your fun if you had only acknowledged me but maybe that is the point of all this- to push me away - do you have any reason not to want me - by what scale have you judged me and found me not good enough to be your friend-

do you simply like to hurt people emotionally is that were you get your jollies by making girls cry and feel unloved and unwanted when you know that what you think of them matters to them do you undermine them on purpose so that you can see the crushed look in her eyes and know that the bruise on her ego will last longer then any you could leave on her flesh- Are you sick enough to delight in causing hope to wither and die. To hurt someone who admires you and has gone out of there way to be kind to you is a horrid thing to do, I know that you want things to be drama free and the can be if you would show a little consideration I would never have stood in the way fo your fun either on purpose or by accident-

Anticipation

Anticipation can be so sweet as i oil my skin with sweet scent planning for later when it will be warmed by his hand. Fresh from the shower with nothing and everything on my mind at once I am so tempted to turn the water back on and touch myself until if find my relief but no the anticipation is enough and waiting will just build my excitement to a frenzy making the release so much sweeter for the virtue of my waiting.

firm resolve does nothing to keep me from absent mindfully pinching my pink nipples, enjoying the feel of them harden under my touch looking in the mirror at my lusty body almost quivering. Running the oil in the wispy curls over my hungry pussy. Needing to look at myself i push in my fingers, spread my lips open looking at the glistening desire almost dripping from me. I licked my fingers clean tasting myself flavored over the sweet oil.

I realize that getting myself ready is a form of foreplay so effective i only wish you were here with me to heighten the ritual. I hate to cover myself with cloths for any period of time but i know that the wearing of them with you is just to make my anticipation greater, to make me all the more hungry for the release from them the kiss of your eyes on my flesh, I enjoy the look you give me in front of others as if you know in the snap of finger you could take me, i would always yield to you, give in to any demand fulfill any desire of yours that i could in order to earn your praise, a second of your affection.

The pleasure I get from giving to you exceeds almost any other I have ever felt, gathering my mind for submission to your will gathering my heart to wear on my sleeve I dress and rush through my make up cursing all the time i spent being a drugged out tom boy instead of a pretty girl who would be good with makeup, I do my best and rush away from the mirror before I can pick myself apart...

breasts heavy in my bra, panties already damp as i load up into my car, thankful that driving takes both hands or i would be to tempted to resist pleasing my self on the roadway as i speed to your arms... HOPE JOY PEACE wash over me in your embrace if you only knew the power you could have over me you would run a million miles to flee from my hungry eyes...

for me this is why the anticipation is almost better then reality, eager hopeful when i get ready for you i radiate the joy i feel at the thought of being wanted, desired and able to please you, knowing all along that in reality the more i care for you the less you will care for me, what a terrible tug of war this is to try and make myself want you less just so that you will want me more. what a childish game of denial we are indulging in, when we could bring such bliss to each other if only we knew how to allow ourselves.

a louisville munch

well even though i haven't published much lately doesn't mean corydory isn't getting her play time just as often and having even more fun if you can believe it, in fact this very morning my shoulders are still feeling warm and tender from the kiss of a heavy leather flogger, but i'm getting ahead ff myself a bit, so let me start with the munch...

to begin at the beginning i was late and flustered because a dropped ball on transportation and coordination caused a playmate to be left behind and miss the whole night. we arrived at the italian pizza place after the party games were done just in time for announcements and sitting there looking out over this crowd i felt an overwhelming sense of having found my people. I wonder if any one else ever feels so at home with a crowd of like minded kinksters for me this is new and i saw all kinds of people, young and old, sub's and Dom's, littles and pets...

it was almost an orgy of fetishes the munch was almost painful i was so anxious to be gone not from the people just onto the next part of the evening which would be a play place nearby, a real

dungeon to play in and all of the people with such diverse interests to interest me. still the announcements were worth hearing at one point the speaker spoke about groups that meet based on power orientation, what a delightful way to make clear that our power roles can play as much a part in our choices as sexual orientation would. he also went person to person through the room calling each of us by our name as if giving a role call for the night, while i am nowhere near as good with names i did at least learn his...

we eat and chat up a few of the other visitors from out of town, then at last we can go tot the bar, what kind of a bar would host a BDSM play night once a month... none other then a, honestly fabulous drag bar it was every thing i ever dreamed it would be we enter a nearly empty bar pictures of the hottest hottest pretty boys flash on the screens, the topples cute bartender was sweet enough to give us the information we needed since none of us knew Kentucky smoking rules, we head to the back stage i strode past the handful there for just the drag show, to go past acres of pink satin draped to frame the stage, the backstage was tiny but included a rhinestone

toilet, we hustle down stairs, to sign in each of us getting a waiver, however being me i left my drivers licence in the car trunk so back we went into the freezing wind, when at last we got in it was only a glimpse then changing into my skirt...

damn damn damn I grabbed my denim mini skirt of the hanger in such a hurry i totally failed and grabbed my skort instead. however hearing be bemoan my feeble mindedness a kind lady who was my exact size handed off to me her favorite skirt to save my night and allow my sexy panties to be flashed at the right time, more like times...

It was so cool there was so much do that i didn't even get to try everything i wanted to, and there were so many people i wish i had been able to talk to but still i had so much fun seeing some of the great leather cuffs that were on show, and feeling a few of the more unique vegan DIY floggers on the backs of my legs, the one that was a tire tread really made you feel it. It grasps the skin on impact and as the wide heavy rubber follows its natural momentum it pulls your flesh with it for that extra unique feeling.

after a quick smoke break and a trip to the girls room i found most of my party near the frount of the room talking about things like rope play well DD, normally means designated driver but at this party it was more like our default Dom. wanted to do some rope demonstrations for a fellow who wanted to learn so i of course agreed to help and we showed them the single and double pillar ties, first my DD binding my wrist and allowing me to struggle wishing i were a fish on his line then he freed me and i made the same knots on the pupil, who once free would in turn make those same knots on me again... binding me and feeling me struggle...

we broke up to go enjoy the sexy panties showing, it was called a contest but it was more just a organized flashing which as much fun if you ask me and then nobody loses staying in that area because a lovely lady caught my eye and ear as she was talking about moving to my hometown in Florida. she might not be cold but i warned her about the crazies...

she was sore from her high heels such sexy studded leather heels and i talked her into letting me rub her feet, such small and sexy feet wrapped in black silky nylons running up toned legs to be held suspended on her white thigh with a bit of lace not a whole inch wide, i played with her feet and her legs but allowed it to remain mostly innocent, when a passing fancy came by with leather strips wanting to let me feel it i asked her if i could lean over her as he warmed my behind, in place her face in my cleavage he began working me over and over with the whip, as she coached me in a way that i had never had before reminding me to breath and enjoy, asking if i was green with everything, it was so sweet and tender of her i am sad she is going away and hope there are many more in the community like her...

when i found most of my party they were in the fenced off play space, she was being whipped on the cross and coming down we went to after care to make sure she was alright, when the DD asked if we all were ready to go, awww i had to object because i wanted whipped on the cross I need some attention after the night of stimulation, he tied me with weak cuffs to the cross but i didn't once try to get down, he slipped the blindfold on and i was worlds away, in such a happy place and with the sting of the whip he would follow with softness from my soft whip then heavy then light then setting the weight of the whip across my back, it was bliss for me and i shared as much as i could of my pleasure with everyone, I was very very vocal, which i am afraid might have disturbed other scenes but with out a gag i couldn't keep the moans the screams or the whimpers to myself i never even gave it a thought to try...

the worst part of the night is part of the best because it is the interruption and the end of our scene, the people playing next to us were concerned by my screams and came over to instruct the man who was Dom over me, which I understood to be a big no no stopping a scene, still it was nice while it lasted even if wanted so much more...

i took myself off to the aftercare room after cleaning the cross off, i collapsed on the floor and my friend who hadn't even stayed downstairs to see the scene rubbed baby oil on my tender flesh soothing my sore away with his gentle hands letting me end the night on a blissful note, what a pleasure and what wicked ideas i have dancing in my head running circles with my normal dirty thoughts...

Were having a party...

I love birthdays it is such a special day and time, a holiday all about you, well a good friend of mine had his birthday last night and i persuaded him to throw the party at the local swingers club... all i can say is i wish it was his birthday everyday, or at least wish we could throw a very merry un birthday party like that more often...



Because it was the first real winter weather of the year the crowd was thin and felt like the whole club was ours for a private party, we had such a wonderful time giving a tour to james a friend i dragged along for his first night at the club, being me i got separated from the party early having to dash to the loo and then running into people i knew and getting a little caught up and a proper greeting i was rubbing tonys hard cock in my hands when i remembered that i had left the birthday boy his date hot little ashley and my own "virgin" date... So i had to give him a peck and hug and dash off to find the group stuck checking out the first room a red light medical room, which could be fun but just wasn't what i was craving...



To be honest I wanted to ride the sybis it was all that i could think of, you see I just ordered my first Hitachi online and i was waiting for my magic wand to arrive and i was craving that intense out board motor style vibe to the clit... So i just let everyone know where i was headed and they seemed to like the idea because they followed me, Now I ask you what is better then one sybis in a little room, Two sybis-es in a little room, not long and we were off to the races ashley mounted on one with myself on the other, it was a hot wet howling good time...



i was of course the first to strip down to my slinky black slip with tears in the lace bodice and little rips in the hem that was just high enough to show my friend a flash of pink and nude lace bikini briefs, I happen to have done my recon and i know he has a panty fetish so i rubbed his face in it a bit slipping my hem line up as i got ready to mount the device, I love to tease then please but i had decided that the most pleasing thing for everyone involved would be for me to take my pleasure with relish...



with open delight i ground down on the vibe and the door was open everyone was just sitting around watching me, and well me being me i asked for a dick to suck on "I feel silly somebody let me suck your dick," and a nice stranger stepped up whipped out a tasty clean cock and let me set to suckling...

I am sure i shared the trick that when i want to cum harder i distract myself by giving oral then when the clitoral stimulation overcomes the distraction i cum so hard i cant stand up... well needless to say i didn't last all to long and mercifully he gave me the speed i needed before i knew it i was cumming to the point of distraction and then i hopped up had laugh made my thanks and took james on the rest of the tour...

showing him the mirror room and the swing room and all of the other delights.... we went back to the main level to wait for a few other members of the party to join us, heather and lars got there and we sang and cut the cake, making sure everyone who needed it got a bit of sugar to rush on, then we went to play ending back up on the sybis james was a little more comfortable by now and he took the controls with quite a bit of authority, he was running it just right building and backing down, taking complete control of me...

I have to say that i love that change that comes over somebody who knows what they are doing when they let their inner Dom out, and he just transformed before my eyes from what seemed to be a shy and social awkward man to the incredible powerful Dom that i had no idea he could be. I was very very very impressed.

i just cant believe how sensitive he was to every sound and breath of mine, he knew to the second when i was climbing to that peak and would with no mercy switch down to nothing. Ohh i am so wet thinking about but he made me beg like nobody has ever made me beg for release, sure i was just playing along at first talking dirty but in minutes he had me begging with all my heart and soul for that peak that was so close i could taste more times then i can say, cranking me closer and higher and then just then that seconds away feeling would flood into me and he would CLICK it OFF, i kid you not i was howling for my release by the time the rest of the party wandered back upstairs...

In a sexual daze from his powerful teasing i was utterly at his mercy and would have followed any command if the reward would be release finally when i was going mad screaming my pleas begging him to make me cum to give me more please just for a sec more, he let it on full blast and i came so hard i soaked the machine and my thighs with my cum, i shook apart for what felt like forever but could only have been seconds then i lifted off leaping up to take my clit from the powerful vibe, oh my oh yes...

then i grabbed the birthday boy by the hand and dragged him down the hall so i could ride him into oblivion, gathering myself after that escapade we headed down the hall back toward the room were i had abandoned my purse, only to find a rider on the horse so to say, her Dom controlling her james ordered me back onto the other one and even though my pussy was still warm i got right back in the saddle for more since races rock but that naughty birthday boy had a surprise for us and he passed Lars the riding crop to use on jewels and he started to use a buggy whip on my back and ass, my head down almost to the floor my clit grinding on the vibrating pummel i submitted to the whipping taking all that i could of their attention and loving it until i could hold back no more and begging for release i finally was permitted/forced to cum, and boy did i ever this one ripped though me and made me quake...

still there was a rider who hadn't had a turn yet so with a little encouragement ashley unbuttoned her blouse and got on the symbis her beautiful red hair shaking with her entire body as she bore down on the ride, then because james wanted more "races" i got back on the other one and the birthday boy and james set about driving us both crazy, at one point i was playing with her breasts holding the nipples out for the smack of the crop on the pink buds, but because of the crowd ashley turned to face the wall feeling shy that so many men were standing in awe stroking the erections she had caused them to sprout. with her back to the door her sexy black cotton panties were the focus of everyone's attention as her ass quivered in time to the powerful vibrations, i came screaming my bliss to the world as james glassy eyed smacked his hand on her tight ass...

I can not for the life of me think of a better way to spend the night then that, it was more then awesome it was amazing all the way around i only hope my friends had half as much fun as i did...

Plan for a grand adventure

A game on a grand scale and an adventure that can not be matched, when the time for play draws near I will be ready and i want you to play along with me, I will be more then sure to share what adventure i am off on at the moment but i can not stand the shallow pursuit of simple sex. I want a grand adventure a sure way to amuse myself and enjoy. I love to write and i know that i enjoy shareing my sexual escapades but for some reason my muse has not been amusing and well when that happens what can you do but take a break and try again later.

Fantasy In Motion

As I wander thru this life and all that it is i learn more and more about my self and the world. about the universe and my dreams, what drives me to action and what only stirs my mind with few other results. A truth I would like to propose is that our fantasies are in motion, we are all in a flux between what we want and what we have, as we get what we are after that goal will just change so that we want more...



What a wonderful order for my life to fall into, I form a true DESIRE which will prompt ACTION and that will produce in my reality REWARDS in the form of what i DESIRE. How wonderful is that system, but wait it gets better because left as is i would quickly have everything i want from the world and be left with nothing to desire, and we know a life without desire is not for me. So the universe lets me refine and detail my dreams as i go as they take shape in my mind and form in my life. Fantasy in motion, contently being able to write in more and more of my own content to my life....



No longer will i be a slave to the programing i was born with to the life station i am pre assigned from birth. I am free to CREATE with my MIND and BODY a better world for myself. I have the TOOLS that i need in order to have everything i desire so long as i can keep setting further goals and fostering new desire in my soul. It is a matter of staying in a constant state of motion in the direction of the emotion of joy, relief and bliss. It is time to wake up and move in the direction of my desire, to keep my fantasy in motion i must be moving towards it.

fantasy

Once there was a girl with red brown hair and giant doe eyes and a sweet smile. she traveled though life on a wing and a prayer. she did some things she was sorry for and other things she was proud of but mostly was a hedonist doing what she enjoyed which just happened to be bringing joy to others. She would work every day to make at least one person feel good, she was honest and true and always remembered to be nice because nice mattered to her. She lived by the motto love like you have never been hurt. Which lead her to so much heartache she would cry herself to sleep.

One night outside her yurt an older man was passing by and heard the beautiful young women crying all alone at the edge of a field under a full moon, praying for the night to deliver someone to love her. The old man had often seen her walking in the village laughing with her friends she always seemed busy and happy he never once thought she might need someone to need her. He called to the girl in the moonlight scaring her a bit and asked her why she felt so alone, the girl replied unsure yet of who was in the brush, that even though she was surrounded by people no one understood her, no one would take charge of her, and more then anything she could imagine she wanted to have a strong wise man take her in hand and teach her and love her but more then that she wanted him to know her, really know her.

Hidden in the bush the man was afraid to speak or move for fear this was all a dream and pressing through the brush would push him through the veil and back into himself away from her. Back to days of watching this lovely girl from afar seeing her flounder but afraid to cast her the line of his wisdom knowing in the end when the final line is written we all lose everything we love and the crushing pain of death and harder agony of those who chose to flee will end every love, friendship or hatred on earth. No matter how close we get to other humans death will part us all, ending petty differences in an instant. Finely he was all alone to watch the pretty girls and dream but never draw nearer unless he could find the courage he needed to answer her desperate call with his real self. So hidden behind his walls he never imagined love, Until now, calling out again he cried to her that she was no mystery to him, for years he watched he tells her her favorite color is green and her eyes are brown and deep but flash gold in the sun, that when she is sick she likes to be alone, and that when she laughs really hard she snorts and more he told her his dreams of her in the future he seduced her with praise for her talents and she in turn began to bloom under the moonlight. At last pushing his had through the bush the sting of the branches relieved him surely he was awake or they would have parted for him like velvet curtains instead of resisting his motion as if to protect the damsel at the edge of the field, at the edge of discovery....

the value of escape

sometimes my mind can only hold so much their isnt enough space in my head for life and reality i cannot cope i do not have enough space in my mind that is so over whelmed i cannot think of everything and as worries pile on it feels like i cant think of anything,



my mind goes racing along worry after worry fear overwhelming me i am parilized with anxiety, there is so much going on right now. there are so many things i just dont have any control over things i want to fix, my sisters radiation keeps cooking her brain and her thought process is even worse, now they have stopped her chemo because her platelets are to low. she is now bumping her aderol so for an hour or so she will be super hyper and i just cant keep up then she crashes out, she cant think for herself and wont listen to anyone who is trying to help her, i feel so powerless and as i see her get weaker and more confused i wish it was me instead,



she was so smart such an amazing teacher she loves to make things buetaful she just touched so many lifes she had so many dreams and plans, she has so much to live for, such a wonderful future planned for herself she has always known what she wanted to do and who she wanted to be, she loves life even now with stage three brain cancer and radiation cooking her brain she is so full of hope and faith in the future. which kills me in her shoes i would have given up years ago, in my shoes im ready to give up now but not her she went on to have her wonderful son and still plans for a future with him,



it should have been me with cancer, i never had a future planned i am suprised to be alive and not always happy about it, i never had ambition or a plan, sure before i got sick i wanted to be the best in my feild i wanted a home and life of my own i was working hard and living with someone i loved then wham i get sick with this pain and fatigue that never goes away i cant do what i did i cant work anymore and work was my life, so i have a nervous break down i cant mentaly handle the physical stress on my body. i was quite simply broken and i wanted to quit i tried several times over the worse years of my life to kill myself. of course it didnt work i ended up in a coma for several days and waking up to spend time in the stress center trying to figure out a way to cope with my new limits...



once i got the worst of the pain under control the thoughts of death as an escape went away, then with my sisters cancer coming back it just seems so selfesh and fucked up for me to want to die while she is trying so hard to live, things are so not fair i wish i could have her cancer and she could live a wonderful life but i cant change who has what wrong with them i cant change anything and i know that suicide solves nothing i am a sane and inteligant human being



still i cant help but wonder sometimes about the promise of oblivion brought with death, in the space of ten minutes i could end it all and never hurt worry or feel afraid again. nothingness sounds like bliss sometimes but i know dont worry i know it solves nothing that is selfesh and unforgivable and i am not sure what happens to us when we die but people who kill themselfs for purely selfish reasons probably dont reap many rewards for it,



im sorry for the drama i dont mean to scare people but i cant be the only person who gets that next bit of bad news and feels the camels back break inside their mind, i dont think its unique to think of death as an escape, it just scares me because of how close i have come to suceeding in the past that when now i feel overwhelmed and my thoughts turn to death as an escape for myself. of course i wont i love my family to much and they have suffered so much already that no matter how i much i might want to take a pass on finding out whats next i wont because it would crush them sucide is devistating to the survivors I am just not selfish enough to hurt them to save myself.



i want to quit it all, i dont want to wake up tommorow and face my life as i know it, i need to vent so bad i could scream, i havent dealt in any healthy way with my grief the feeling of guilt for not being with my gramps when he needed me most for not even getting to say goodbye, i was going to threapy every other week before i came to florida. i am a huge fan of therapy and think that everyone over twenty needs therpy and i have an appointment for the 20th after im home. however until then i owe you guys a nickle for free





dont have enough money to make it the next two weeks much less till the end of the month,

Having A Tequila Threesome...

At a lovely little party I had what was for me a far to large quantity of alcohol, i know i said i was going to lay off the liquor for a while but i really picked a bad time to try that idea out, i know adding a depressant to an already depressing situation seems like it will only make things worse but i find a well placed shot or six can take my mind off things for a minute of peace....



I just was looking for my minute of peace, but what i found was bliss it was such a nice night drinking and playing games getting to be my flirty over the top usual fun loving self but i was just a shade or three past buzz, there were several women at the party lovely bi and bi curious women in a house in lingerie with a drunken me, which could spell disaster especially when you factor in that it had been three weeks since i had gotten to touch any pussy but my own, i was jonesing and hard for a little tasty lick or two...



oh I'm pretty sure i was at one point sitting upside down on the couch to get the blood in my head while i rubbed one off watching good porn upside down, needless to say i hit my happy place then pulled the cute blond into the bedroom so i could ravish her, we started out one on one until a friend joined us, i don't want to get into nasty steamy juicy dirty details here but i do want to say Holy Shit and Thank You... wow i had so much fun so thank you everyone who was there, for making my night wonderful and exactly what i needed, hope i didn't do anything to ruin your night while i was blasted and if my attention was unwanted or offensive to anyone sorry to have bothered you, but all that aside, i think we all had fun i know i had a wonderful time and like i said it was just what the Dr ordered for me...

Fresh Faces

I love new dates, meeting potential playmates and for me everybody holds a little potential at least at first, still it has been over a month since i have done the first date with a couple, sitting around sipping coffee and speaking frankly with grown ups, two of my favorite past times, plus it is exciting to meet new friends from here people who i can sit and picture naked most times, either way i know enough to have some very ocuping mental images while we sit and talk...



i picture myself on my knees face down ears deep in that lovely dripping pussy, pressing her buttons with my tounge, feeling her thighs wrap around my head shaking with her pleasure, i imagine him behind me standing with my ass pumped up in the air and i can almost feel him fucking me deep and doggy with that thick cock i caught a glipse of, i would rock my tight pussy around him and ride his cock untill i was creaming all over his balls...



So i sit and nurse my white chocolate mohca, fantasy running wild in my mind, what i cant wait to do to this unsuspecting couple, oh i do hope i can show them a wonderful time....

Dear Daddy...

I just felt inspired to write this little love letter just for you, God i miss you, so i was sitting up awake at 5:30 am. so tired i cant go to sleep and i put on my soothing music and I'm listening to these songs i have heard a hundred times and you have made real and personal to me, it says how i really feel about what i have found with you...

so once again in a style i often make fun of i will quote a song, only because it says what i mean so much better then i could, this isn't the whole song just the parts i cant stop playing while i think about you, and miss you, and wish i could just hold you,

Thank you for making music mean more to then ever before, Thank you for being my valentine

Know that you are loved by me for so many reasons, these songs are once again from India.Arie some how i cant get enough of her when I'm upset or need to be soothed,

The Truth -India.Arie

Let me tell you why I love him (besides amazing kinky sex)
Cause he is the truth (And he tells the truth)
Said he is so real And I love the way that he makes me feel (Like i deserve to be loved by someone as wonderful as him)
And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly because His light it shines so bright I wouldn't lie (I mean this whole part while my life is falling into chaos, he is my light at the end of this tunnel)
I remember the very first day that I saw him I found myself immediately intrigued by him (Remember the orgy, but really it all started here first)
It's almost like I knew this man from another life Like back then maybe I was his husband maybe he was my wife (That must be why it feels so natural for me to fuck you)
And even,things I don't like about him are fine with me (They really are I even like how you breath while you sleep)
Cause it's not hard for me to understand him cause he's so much like me (We really are kindred spirits)
And it's truly my pleasure to share his company (I do treasure every second of your time that I get)
And I know that it's God's gift to breathe The air he breathes (what i wouldn't give to be in the same room as you)
How can the same man that makes me so mad (Did you know you have yet to make me mad, I hadn't realized that)
If he ever left me I wouldn't even be sad no Cause there's a blessin' in every lesson And I'm glad that I knew him at all (Know that this is so true, what ever heartbreak this path may bring i am grateful to walk it with you for as long as you want me, and whatever time we have i will always cherish and love you in my heart)
I love the way he speaks (Especially when i need my little pep talks, you will never know how much they mean to me)
I love the way he thinks (Politics aside)
I love the way that he treats his mama (I never met your mother but I love the way that you treat your children and that counts for even more in my book)
I love that gap in between his teeth (Cause i like to flick my tongue across it and it is kinda cute)
I love him in every way that a woman can love a man (Every way that counts for anything at all)
From personal to universal but most of all It's unconditional (I mean this also I may someday stop liking you but I will never stop liking you)
You know what I'm talking about (maybe not but at least now you have a better idea)

OK now i know I'm rambling but i mean it so much and i want to send you one more song that says it all without explanation, except that it means so much each line so read it and think of what it means to me, you really are everything i asked for in my prayers, my lifes inspiration, you are indeed my beautiful surprise, and dosen't it seem like yesterday...

Beautiful Surprise -India.Arie

It's like yesterday didn't even know your name
Now today You're always on my mind
I never could have predicted that I'd feel this way
You are a beautiful surprise
Intoxicated every time I hear your voice
You've got me on a natural high
It's almost like I didn't even have a choice
You are a beautiful surprise
Whatever it is that you came to teach me
I am here to learn it cause
I believe that we are written in the stars
I don't know what the future hold
But I'm living in the moment
And I'm thankful for the man that you are, you are, you are
You are everything I ask for in my prayers
So I know my angels brought you to my life
Your energy is healing to my soul
You are a beautiful surprise
You are an inspiration to my life
You are the reason why I smile
You are a beautiful surprise

Daddy I am here to learn from you, to take anything you offer me in lessons, I do love the way that you make me feel and it means so much to me that you let me into your life, I treasure every second of time we have, I hope this post wasn't to crazy stalker chick for you, but it is almost valentines and i am so glad you will be mine... Thank you for helping me keep my sanity at time when i feel torn by the world, somehow fates aligned to put us into each others liefs at this point in time, and thank you just cant say enough to tell you how grateful i am to have found my safe harbor in this storm that my life has become and i am thankful for the man that you are my silver fox... Now everyone quit reading daddy's love note and go listen to these songs, she sings it so much better then i type it...

trival pursuits...

last night was just what i needed i had a shot of whiskey and waited for the party to start at a local little bar where TASA members where gonna go play trivia... Which was super fun it was 60's theme pop quiz with a side game of trivia on the tv... it was fun and a great crowd came it was nice to meet everyone and relax in good company, i had set up to meet a new friend at the bar well before... hes on the way to get me now... hope to finish this post before mid-night but it might be in the morning... its just what i needed to get my head straight...

loving drama

I have decided there are way to many people who love to play in the muck and drama both online and off. I don't understand it, sometimes i wonder if they know what they are doing or if it all subconscious. some kind of deep seeded need for turmoil.

I really do feel that chaos isn't good for the soul, when we are surrounded by chaos and turmoil then we will be filled with chaos and turmoil. doesn't a life filled with peace and comfort seem so much smarter. I see the people online that cant leave well enough alone, someone wrote me an email today that says it best opinions are like assholes everybody has one and most of them stink. when people don't get along online it is a huge world wide web cant they just both do their own thing.

I guess it just makes to much sense for some people because there are people who just love the attention and drama which they for the most part create for themselves and others. I had blocked out so much of my childhood memory's of my sister and now i am remembering why she is one of the many mis-guided souls who love to agitate and stir up drama. she plays people which makes it hard to help her and be around her all the time.

i understand now why my help was so needed, she doesn't have allot of people who want to help her right now and i think that is tied directly to the fact that she loves to create drama, and when you are sick and need help it is knowingly shitting in your own nest to keep trying to make the people who are here to help bad and aggravated

of course the net mirrors life in that people online also look for the drama, who love to stir the pot and cant leave well enough alone, by writing this i run the risk of being mistaken for one of those people my own self which isn't my intention really i just feel overwhelmed by the drama i am drowning in. I'm just looking for some understanding into people who manipulate and attack, who stir the pot and shit in their own nest. I needed to vent to let it out i am just about crazy already and my trip isn't half way done, yet...

so please, for your own sake don't be an agitator, online or in real life the chaos will age you make you ill and unhappy, if you cant make a situation better by adding your two sense then keep it to yourself, be kind, think before you speak or type, things are hard for everyone and getting harder aren't they so try to do no harm with your words and deeds, savor the peace you can find,

hope no one misunderstands the reason for this post i just needed to vent, its hard to face Florida, almost every bad thing that ever happened to me in life has happened to me in Florida and it fucks with me to be here... i love my sister and i love you guys sometimes i just need to let it out a little...

wishing you all peace love and happiness... i always have said that i would never post song lyrics, but i should know by now to never say never... when i get a little stressed music really helps and i have this one song from india.arie that i think just applies so well to this situation it sums up just how i feel about it and if you haven't heard her perform this song i strongly recommend searching for it online...
Get It Together

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your kin
Kept it inside, didn't tell no one else
Didn't even wanna admit it to yourself
And now your chest burns and your back aches
From 15 years of holding the pain
And now you only have yourself to blame
If you continue to live this way


Get it together
You wanna heal your body
Get it together
You have to heal your heart
Whatsoever you sow you will reap
Get it together
You can fly fly

Dark future ahead of me
That's what they say
I'd be starving if I ate all the lies they fed
Cause I've been redeemed from your anguish and pain
A miracle child I'm floating on a cloud
Cause the words that come from your mouth
You're the first to hear
Speak words of beauty and you will be there
No matter what anybody says
What matters most is what you think of yourself

The choice is yours
No matter what it is
To choose life is to choose to forgive
You don't have to try
To hurt him and break his pride
Just shake that weight off
And you'll be ready to fly

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your friends
Thought it would never change but as time moved on
That ugly duckling grew up to be a swan
And now your chest burns and your back aches
Because now the years are showing up on your face
But you'll never be happy
And you'll never be whole
Until you see the beauty in growing old

you can live or you can die
you know that life is a choice
you make you can give or you can take.

I love how she sooths me, thank you india.arie...

girls wanted

"my name is corydory and i want to recruit you" what it takes to be a gang bang girl or really just a good group player is a spirit of adventure, confidence and a willingness to try new things...

i want to be specific here so that we are all on the same page when i say a gang bang girl i mean the kind of girl who can walk into a room of six or eight men and want to fuck them all, this is only my opinion and i don't mean for this to apply to everyone who does a gang bang but i want to share with you why i love them why i feel like a good gang bang is worth the work to set up and totally worth the way to play, if i had the choice between a hot sexy night where one man gets me off ten times or a night where i get off ten men the ten men win every time with me, i love to make ten men cum and be happy...

i know it seems strange to say i do gang bangs because I'm a giver but that's the deal i love to please the masses i get off on getting the men off, but the side effect off that the reward for all my selflessness is that the men are there to get me off i have that pleasure of the men all working to make me cum, feeling every ones hands and eyes urging me to greater and greater pleasure it is a heady sensation to be the center of that much sexual energy at one time...

why i think most women would enjoy gang bang besides the new pleasure of being the center of every ones efforts to make you cum and feel good, besides how amazingly breathtakingly erotic it is to feel so many hands on your body stimulation on every point of your body there is the pleasure of knowing you are so sexy and ll of these men just want you so much they are lined up to take you...

i mean anyone considering a gang bang should have already done the little two male threesome at the least so you know how wonderful it is to suck some dick while you are getting fucked good and strong doggy style or be spread out with a man fucking your face and hot pussy both at once, some women even played with DP all i can say is when its good its very very good and when it ain't it ain't... either with or with out anal it is just basic science a women can wear out more then a handful of men at a time, with rotations and rest periods though a good gang bang can last long enough to leave everyone tired and sore...

another benefit to a gang bang is it is a safer way to meet more men, and make informed decisions about them, if you are looking for a good friend a man to pal around with you meet him at the bar and hang out if you are looking for a fuck buddy you set up a gang bang and make an informed decision before you invest a lot of time into a relationship, not to sound ruthless but then you can tell if it works sexual for you not...

but even if you are in a relationship with someone you love gang bangs are a great time they are designed to get the gang bang girls off and to make her feel like the center of every ones desire, which is a wonderful feeling it is a real confidence boost to be that desired...

i guess the long and short of what I'm saying is if this is something you are curious about you should try it, i for one am a huge fan i cant believe how easy and fun it feels to dive right in...

I needed a treat...

If you follow the blog you will know i have not had anything sexually satisfying since Sunday a week ago... i mean it has been forever or seems that way a whole week and a thousand miles and i needed a treat, selfish and greedy i just wanted to get my treat...



I am a unique little sex machine I run on pure cum and i was on empty. Last night i went and meet the locals at a little house party, it was fun with some promising results and today i got an email command to meet a man, i had made a joke the night before that i can cum when called and so i figured this counted as a call. besides i wanted my treat and i was hoping he had it for me...



I was early but i always am either early or late so i headed in and had a seat on the couch we talked for almost two hours and it was nice to chat but the whole time i was thinking, would you just shove your dick down my throat already, i need my treat i want to suck your dick already...



well finally i got my tits out and in his face he sure knows what to do to a nipple to make it feel right i almost came from his playing with my tits he just knew what to do, but i was trying to get my hands on his cock as the erection was growing under my fingers but i just couldn't get a grip, i refused to move my chest out of his face...



so he undid the button and the zipper and freed that nice thick cock for my hand to wrap around that cock i felt him stiffen to full hardness as i wrapped my fingers around him i licked the head of his cock so pleased to find a drop of his pearly cum waiting on the tip for my eager nimble tongue to lap up...



i had enough he made me ask for it out loud i told him to fuck my tits, please fuck my tits and as he was fucking my tits i craned my neck down and licked him as he thrust into my cleavage, i wanted to make him ask for it i wanted to make him beg me to suck his dick but i had gone so long without cock i couldn't wait i dived down on him, as deep as i could i gave him that great head i can only give to just the right size dick, big enough to push into my throat as held my breath and try to swallow as long as i could taking those deep gasping breaths and swallow and suck...



it was fast but furious and he came down my throat just the way i love it, i am so glad to have my treat i love to swallow that hot juicy load at the end of a good blow job, what a wonderful way to kick off the fun in Florida for me...



i also got some great news about the local swingers club and hope to check one out soon...

last night at the club...

well i am writing this from Florida my plane got here around 8 and now i am finally free to log on, just letting everyone know I'm here safe and sound, i had a good time at the club last night but because i wont be home until late march it felt like it might be my last night at the club...



we tied one on and i mean strong until i was buttered like bread most of the night was a blur but i do know i was having a horrible problem, i couldn't get off, that never happens to me and finally after many attempts a certain man got it right.



still it was great fun to hang out with friends and have the pressure off of me, i had so much other shit i was freaking out about that i didn't even care if i got anybody else off and i think that stress played a big part in me not being able to cum...



in another way it was almost my last night at the club for real and i am so sorry, what happened was i hit and i mean hit on hard several women hanging out in the dance room, i was all touchy grabby and i was to aggressive to the point where a women felt the need to complain, i was horrified to be taken aside and given the no means no talk,



i take full responsibility i am so incredibly sorry to have made anyone feel uncomfortable, in the future i will be so much more careful, this will not happen again. that doesn't change what has passed and i feel awful. i was stressed out beyond belief and more than drunk, but that is no excuse for bad behavior this is one of those cases of knowing better but not doing better.



so even though the night was rough i had a wonderful time, i just wanted to say I'm so sorry. now I'm off to bed and tomorrow i take my sister to start her treatment. I'm so scared right now so keep me in your thoughts for tomorrow.