My favorite four letter word...

I want to take a moment to talk about something important to me, my favorite four letter word is LOVE i know, admit it, you shudder a little inside when you hear it. so often the four letter word of love equals in our brains pain and with good reason i don't know anyone ever who has felt the exhilarating high of hope and love with out having that plunge into despair and pain.

i understand being afraid of love sometimes i wish i had enough sense to be afraid of these feelings but instead i have just learned to like the pain, or at least stand it, because I'm in love with falling in love i am thrilled by those moments in the beginning when your gut hits your throat and you just want to tackle your special cuddle bug, i know if life follows its natural course that will turn into a desire to throttle not tackle and your cuddle bug becomes just another pest.

i don't like tie downs, i am afraid of intimacy, i can not commit, and i practice [post 1638905 Polyamory] i love more people than most and right now I'm falling hard for a special someone, my other loves have clear lines that i will not cross no matter how much i love them or because i love them, they each have their hearts elsewhere which i not only understand but encourage we all need our one counter part our witness in life.

what i left out of my hippie free love rant in the last post about love when i say i love everyone i sleep with it is a little misleading, a better way to say what i mean is that i love every one i connect with if you can figure that out, but some people i love a little and other people i love a lot and right now i have a handful of men i love truly love and i know my love for one is no less special for him because i share it with the others love is not a limited resource i can run out of, and if you are lucky enough to have my love cherish it and let it grow see what we can be together

i feel that for everyone i have ever loved i am a better person for it no matter how it ended. that love makes its mark on my soul. I know i leave myself open and even asking for pain, those days when you say good bye to the love and curl into a ball to mourn its loss, but the pain is better then to never have felt anything at all, it is what has made me such a strong women to have loved and lost so much in this world and what i want to say here is that you don't need to see that i don't get hurt, no pain will break me it only wounds then fades, but you should see to your own heart you know better then i do what you can take, and i do i will in the end leave you when we see our time together is done i refuse to ride dead horses.

all this to say don't be scared i already love you, and i want you to know that love is great and healing and can fill you up and i have enough for both of us, so don't be scared i will toe any line you draw just know my heart is on that line and it is yours already to do with as you please...