I am done searching for Mr. right i want Mr. next... sure i know wonderful men exist and i have even meet a few but in reality the whole dream is a joke for a girl like me. as some of you know my current "real" relationship isn't working, not my fault and it makes a funny story really but i am heading into divorcee territory i think. i have said the words aloud enough i don't cringe and start to cry but sometimes it is hard to have every hope and dream dashed on the rocks of reality and stand facing a world of i told you so's and should have been's. i am not sure now how much i will blog on this topic since it is a pretty raw wound for me, but if i cant let it out here where should i go.... besides therapy... regardless of how my marriage ends i am a stronger and better person for having the experience. he needs to do what he has to in order to apiece his family and maintain their status.
i have meet at least a dozen Mr. rights a hundred Mr. right nows and now i don't have half the heart i used to for emotional adventure. i need to find Mr. next i know its pathetic but I'm one of those silly girls who cant be alone. i need a partner a ms. next would work as well but either way no matter how much senseless sex i engage in, no matter how often that physical itch gets scratched without emotional partnership with at least one other human. i will feel at sea and slowly descend into the abyss of depression. i do like to be alone i am good company for everyone other than myself.
my ideal person... is hard to imagine even harder to describe but the situation i am looking for is much easier to pin down, i need someone to move me in as their mistress, someone who loves to share. i make a great live in and i am always horny even if i have a headache, i would love to find a partner in the lifestyle whose appetite comes close to mine, i could never live in the sex twice a week setting, i like kids and older men so maybe a dilf with a bachelor pad, I'm a OK cook and i order mean Chinese, i will go to market and run any errands, if you have a small business or work from home you could make me earn my keep. with my allowance cut off i will be trying to live a fourth of my income, which goes beyond tightening the belt to the point of ridiculous, im a piratical girl who can admit i need help.
i want someone to eat dinner with then go out and play someone who loves pussy as much as i do, i would prefer an older bi/bi-casual man who has his shit together, i want to cuddle at the end of a long weekend and have someone to fall asleep with and hold, i need for someone out there to know all those little things about me that no one else has time to learn. i also need a man for practical reasons such as safety when I'm playing and security at parties.
I need to be needed, i want to be wanted. i have to have that human connection with at least one other in the world and right now while I'm surrounded with friends and family i still fell that i am utterly alone in life, in the world, in my mind....
i know this is a crazy place to look for a relationship but the lifestyle is a huge part of my life and never again will i make myself live with anyone who disapproves of how i have my fun, i love my lovers but right now i need someone to love me back, and besides if i never ask i will never receive